Sunday, January 23, 2011

Faith of a Child

Two days after Daegen's funeral, my mom, Jonathan (my five year old son) and I were walking through the grocery store. It was one of my first days out in public after everything that happened, and to tell you the truth, was probably one of the highlights of my week, to just get out of the dang house and hospital! All of the sudden, in the middle of the meat department, Jonathan yells "OH, I FORGOT, I SAW DAEGEN TODAY!" My mother and I both stopped and looked at him, confused I said, "What are you talking about?" He repeated himself, "I saw Daegen! Isn't that awesome?" Again, we just stared at him, and asked him what he meant. He started into this elaborate story, "Well, on the bus ride home, I was looking out the window, and I saw Jesus' rays coming down from heaven. I looked and I saw Daegen flying up to Heaven. I saw his face, his eyes were closed, and Jesus had his arms open. Daegen was wrapped up in a blanket, and he went right up the rays to Jesus, isn't that cool?!" Of course, my mom and I didn't really know what to say, except we exchanged looks, and as if on cue, we both started crying. Jonathan is five, and to be honest, we hadn't talked to him a lot about what happens after someone dies, or how someone "gets to heaven." We have never told him people "fly up to heaven" and to my knowledge, no one has told him that the sunrays are Jesus' "elevator to heaven." So, I asked him who told him to say that, or who he was talking to when he saw Jesus' rays, and he said no one, he was just sitting by himself looking out the window and it was just the coolest thing (his words!) I don't know how God reveals himself to five year olds. Sometimes, I'm not even sure how He reveals himself to me. It's such a struggle sometimes, especially when I feel like God has forgotten me, or that I'm alone in my sorrow and pain. During these times is when I tend to cry out to Him the loudest, and often, it seems His response is so quiet, that I'm not even sure He responds at all. So, yes, I believe that Jonathan needed some reassurance that his little brother was ok. That Daegen wasn't going to just be buried and forgotten. Jonathan had faith, he saw Jesus, and he saw his precious little brother being safely taken to live with Him. Maybe it was the reassurance I needed to know that Jonathan would be ok during all of this. He was so very torn up when he learned we would not be bringing our new baby home. He prayed every night for Daegen before he was born, and he has prayed for him almost every night since...God speaks, He answers prayers, it may not be how we are expecting it, or it may be a simple vision of reassurance to a five year old. I just pray that I am open to hear and see what God has for me.


  1. As adults,I think we worry too much at times. Jonathan's vision of reassurance that day not only gave him some peace, but gave me peace as well. Through Jonathan so excitedly sharing what he saw on the bus earlier,I too was given the assurance that day, that my child would be ok during and through all of this. God is so good and in the words of Jonathan, will show us "just the coolest thing" if we will open our hearts, be still and listen. Thank you God for giving me two very special grandsons, and continuing to work through them.

  2. Thank you God, for Erin, Jonathan, Daegen and Monica; they all all special to me. I know you will continue to be with them, guide them and show them "cool things" just like Jonathan saw! (Erin, you express yourself so well!)

  3. Amazing...What a truly beautiful son you have here on earth (& also a beautiful son you have fully alive in Heaven). I know without a shadow of doubt that Jonathan's experience seeing Jesus and his brother and then sharing it with you was a special gift/reassurance to you Erin, and your entire family. God is definitely working through both of your children!...My son Noah also said some of the same things when his Granny (my Mom) passed when he was 2 yrs old. Like you, we hadn't mentioned much about death or what happens because it's hard to know what to say at that time. But we were driving in the car one evening & he just started staring out the window & saying "I see Granny, she's flying to Jesus - they're both so bright!" (yet it was dark out w/no moon or stars)...So, I think of it this way - when you stay close to Jesus (like Jonathan), then you are able to feel even closer to your loved one(s) in Heaven through the Lord, because that's just where Daegen in the arms of Jesus as confirmed by your son.

    Luke 10:21 Then Jesus was filled with the joy of the Holy Spirit and said, "I thank you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, that you have hidden these things from the wise and understanding and revealed them to little children; yes, Father, it pleased you to do it this way.